best friends forever chat.

[quizzes]

YOU'VE BEEN ADDED TO THE CHAT THE BESTICLES 💖 ANI, BOB, CLARK, DEVON, ENID, HOMELANDER, IGGY, JAKE, JEM, KAI, KATE, KOBY, NATASHA, OA, PTOLEMAIS, REN, ROZA, SAM, TONY, WALLY, WANDA, YEKO, YELENA

Comments

[haggle]

oops 💔
sorry baby

( woman who has only genuinely been sorry a total of 5% in her lifetime. on the heels of a suspiciously long pause .... )

i forgot everything i say ODs your dick on viagra :(

[ailerons]

What can I say
You are always making an impression on me, милая

[ Consider him hooked on phonics. ]

[haggle]

real cute, lt

( but like, for real, actually. this is going to ruin the world tour her reputation. )

we got a name for that yknow
подкаблучник

( literally a man under the heel, politely ignoring that the phrase ends with of his wife. see ani's preferred translation: fucking whipped. )

[ailerons]

[ A beat.

Mostly to rifle through a limited, if growing, mental glossary with an increasing sense of self-satisfaction: ]

Now I am sure you cannot possibly be calling me names, Ani
Not in front of our very new best friend

1/2

[haggle]

( our very new best friend. disgusting. immediately, with all of the squeamishness of a girl relentlessly chased around the playground with a wriggly spider: )

ok EW
shut the fuck up

2/2

[haggle]

that's just the PG starter pack. i've got worse names for you, глупый щенок
but i can't break out the good stuff in front of your new boyfriend :(
wouldn't wanna watch you strike out with him

[ailerons]

[ In the tone of yes, dear: ]

Whatever you say, кошка

Don't worry, it's not serious
Never know what to do when a man in glasses asks how I feel about a dungeon
(No offense intended, ace)

[haggle]

a 10 - a fucking 20, actually - doesn't worry about 6s with glasses
you're setting him up for failure cause no bitch is even playing in the same league i do

cute your answer to that hard-hitting question was "admit i beat off to ani's renfaire lookalike" btw

[ailerons]

A 6? Ouch
Let the man breathe a little, sweetheart
He did fold all our laundry

Please. We both know you two look nothing alike
Not even [ Brb checking what her name is. ] Arwen competes with a 20

[haggle]

yeah? that's me grading on a curve

starting score = 10
+ 2 for knowing his place and folding my shit
- 3 for touching my panties (automatic penalty, no appeal chief)
- 10 for looking like my ex-husband without the tax bracket to match
+ 3 for not crying like a little bitch every time i talk
- 2 for having the energy of a dude who's about to ask us all: "but guys... what are we?"
+ 3 for potential future use as a human coatrack (tall, stringbean motherfucker)
- 10 for dragging me into this groupchat (patty hearst situation)
+ 1 because i believe in charity cases
- infinity for thinking he's getting a threesome permit to double park this pussy (lol not happening)

final score: 6/10, rounded up from negative infinity because i'm generous like that ❤️
ani's score: 20/10, no math needed - you already peer-reviewed this ass